It is pouring with rain as I write this. Rivers are forming on the driveway and gushing out onto the street. Welcome to the British summer!

On Friday, I took Domino down to Emsworth to walk along the pebbled beach to the bridge to Hayling Island. There is a windmill and a charming pub just before you hit the traffic on the bridge. It is worth a visit. It was low-tide, so the boats were marooned on the mud flats, lurching drunkenly to one side. There were a few grandparents out with grandchildren. Were they filling in for parents off at work? Or was it simply some quality time together?

That got me thinking about childcare in Wandsworth in the 1990s, when Anna and Hugo were small.

 

In the 60s and 70s in Bexley North, where I grew up, nannies, au pairs or mother’s helpers didn’t exist. Nor indeed anyone that helped with housework. Childcare and housework were strictly the domain of the ‘Missus’. Lucky her!!!

And then let’s not forget the maternity nurse!

They are all different.

An au pair is a young woman or man from a foreign country, working for, and living as part of, a Host Family. They would help, typically the mother, with the small children for a few hours a day and do ‘light housework’. For this they would receive a small allowance (£40 a week in my day). In their spare time, they would pursue cultural activities and attend English classes. Or go out partying. They were not supposed to have sole charge of the children. A parent may pop out to the shop or ask the au pair to take the children to the Common, but it would be for a short time. A mother’s helper was pretty much the same, except they were mostly British and worked longer hours. Again, they were not supposed to have sole charge of the children. They could live in or out.

Sole charge was strictly a trained nanny’s job. Many of the pheasants and stags I’ve met, around my age, were under the charge of a nanny at a young age. Some of them only saw their parents between tea in the nursery and bath time before bed (think of the children on Downton Abbey). The ‘best’ nanny is considered to be the Norland Nanny, in her characteristic brown uniform. She (I don’t think there are any he’s) is trained for three years in all aspects of childcare at an academy, currently at the rate of £13,000 a year. Celebrities, royalty and aristocracy compete ruthlessly for them.

Of course, I noticed a number of parents, in Wandsworth, using their au pair or mother’s helper like a nanny. Without the pay!

So I had a nanny when I worked as a solicitor, which I shared with Emma: so she looked after Anna and Issie when I was in the City. I had an au pair for 6 months when Hugo was two months. She was Micky from France and was gentle and lovely.

But before she arrived, there was Ann French, the super maternity-nurse. She had worked for royalty and her previous job was working for Jean Claude Van Damme, the ‘Muscles from Brussels’. (Geoff still loves his action movies.) She came to look after Hugo and me –  us all really – when I couldn’t cope. After Hugo was born, I was getting weaker and weaker. One night I took a turn for the worse, and I had to be rushed back to hospital, undergoing an emergency operation. I had no choice but to have help. A wonderful group of friends gave me Ann as a gift, to help me get better. So incredibly kind and loving! You know who you are.

Ann was an angel. We had moved into Emma and Jim’s house while they were away skiing, as our house was full of builders and mess: I had an emergency caesarean the day we moved into Elms Crescent, after unpacking the kitchen. Ann came to us just like Mary Poppins. She was technically only required to look after Hugo and help me get into a routine with him: feeding and sleep etc. When she saw the predicament we were in, I couldn’t lift a leaf let alone a baby, she took over. She ordered Geoff around, sending him off to buy groceries; did all the cooking and washing; did everything required for Hugo, including bathing and feeding him and nursed me: feeding me iron rich foods and making me drink Guinness. If that was not enough, she helped us move back into Elms Crescent, unpacked our moving boxes and sorted out the builders. I owe her a huge debt.

Today I am at the Old Rectory and if it stops raining, I am training with the Steep Ladies’ C team.