DISASTER struck yesterday. We have been conned by the photos, on the internet, of our hotel in Ischia, an island off the Amalfi coast. It is a dump, bearing no resemblance to the photos I poured over.

I chose the hotel, as the small beach in front of it, with views towards Aragon Castle, was featured in The Talented Mr Ripley, filmed here in 1999. A young Jude Law, in his prime, lounges, with a young Gwyneth Paltrow, on the volcanic beach out front, when a young Matt Damon chances upon them. It is an idyllic piece of cinematogaphy, showcasing a glamorous, bygone era of foreign travel, when only the rich could afford it.

We arrived in the driving rain to see rubbish being washed up on the windswept beach. No movie stars in sight. Just a deserted, dirty beach. There was a section of missing tiles on the hotel pier. And the icing on the cake was that the next door area was a construction site.

The beach scene for the Talented Mr Ripley:  but no movie stars in sight.

I had an argument with reception at checkin. We had indeed paid for half board – breakfast and dinner. “No signora. You are mistaken.” I was not mistaken. I had the paperwork to prove it. And the room. I hate bright yellow. The room was bright yellow, and the bathroom had white and canary yellow tiles. It was past its useby date; there were cracked tiles and missing grout.

Geoff seeing the scowl and disappointment on my face quoted Rudyard Kipling’s poem If: “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster; And treat those two impostors the same.” 

So Positano was a triumph; Ischia was a disaster. I think he was making the point that you must remain steadfast, in character, irrespective of external highs and lows. In other words, he was hoping I would take the high road and not throw my toys out of the pram.

We went in search of some expresso and cake; the only sensible thing to do in the circumstances. The quality of the cakes in Italy is exceptional, wherever you are! And we even found a shelf holding a beloved dog in a boutique on the way; the owner explained that he liked to be near her. I missed Domino!

Typical pastries and puddings.

Is the dog for sale?

All was not completely lost back at the hotel that night. We were the only guests enjoying half board in the restaurant. But the food was out of this world; one of the best meals we’ve ever eaten: seafood risotto, steaks and light-as-air puddings/dessert. I felt sorry for the staff that we were the only ones to enjoy the chef’s mastery.

It is the last week of the season, and the maitre d’ will soon be leaving his young family to work in Davos, in Switzerland, until the tourist season commences again in Ischia, in March 2017. He will, he explained, miss Christmas at home with his bambinos. He bemoaned the fact the tourism couldn’t be sustained over the winter months in Ischia: that the island could not make the most of the natural thermal springs and sunshine.

I took look one look at the hotel falling apart around me; surely this was the problem. The hotels were not up to to scratch. Noone was putting money back into the infrastructure.

Today, we will go to Procida, a small, non touristy island about half an hour away by ferry.